Growth

This past weekend i was up in Toronto for the Eastern Canada Leather Sir/boy contest were both my mentor and protector Master C and my former Sir, boy Iain [long story] competed and won!  i am very happy for them.  i was up to do Master C’s leathers because i am a bootblack, and it is what i do :-D

One of the things that people see is that i am a very reactive sub.  i am still working on it, but this past weekend people have talked to Master C about the changes they saw in me.  i am not sure what i did, i did my best to be there for Sir when needed, and do disappear when needed.  i also was there to clean Master C’s leathers, and was able to help boy Iain in the way that he needed (yet not many people know what and how, even if it was done right in front of them !!!)

Some special things this past weekend that meant a lot to me.   i was given a house key.  This showed a lot of trust in me, and that he would no abandon me.  after cleaning Master C’s cover, i had a sense of pride and accomplishment.  The Cover is the most important leather piece a Master or Sir can have, and i am proud to have the Cover look like new.  The kissing from Master C.  it doesn’t happen often, but when he does,  you over come by his presence. 

i was gifted some leathers as well.  and when i tried them on, i had this moment.  it is like the “Harry Potter’ plot when the wand chooses the wizard.  Well, the leathers chose me, and i teared up.  When i showed Master C and the rest of my family... they were impressed and got woof calls.... the leathers are just a bit to small, but i really appreciate what they have done for me.

Master C said i have grown a lot... admittedly i have don’t feel any different.  However, the one thing i know is changed, i went into this weekend with the mindset of service, not play..... and was rewarded greatly!!!

Having fun isn't so bad either :D

Absolutes

Hi there,

  I know it has been too long and too quiet.  There were some major things going on in my life and issues needing to resolve.  most of which is taken care of...except the root canal (hey i am a masochist .... but not THAT much of a masochist!)  i want to share with you my experiences with black and white.

ABSOLUTES.  Absolutes, in this case, are how people see things in life.... i.e. black and white.  Life is a shade of grays.  However, growing up in a family with absolutes, it becomes really difficult to develop friendships.  It actually forms the basis of neediness.  When my Grandma passed away this past December, and going to visit my family, i was struck how badly absolutes affected my family....especially my mom.  i realized how much of who i am (at this moment) is what i learned from her and my dad.  Believe it or not, i am surprised i am still alive based on that observation.

so it brings me to the battle i face.  i am part of a very large leather family with one patriarch in the center.  He is my Mentor and not my Dominant (ie i am not collared).   When i get stressed out, i tend to react badly to things. Either it is vocalizations, hide away and shrink, or become very passive aggressive.  One of the things i was told is that a Family gathering is going to take place and that my Mentor will not have any time for me.  i understood that there was not going to be a lot of time for me....the weekend was not going to be about me.  but i also am realizing that Sir is not abandoning me or not wanting to be around me ( though admittedly that is what i was feeling initially) i was trying to get threw my head that if anything happens, Sir will be there for me.

it is still a process to unlearn what i have learned, and i hope that Sir has some patients in me.  i really would like to have a good time this weekend.

what do you think about absolutes?  what have you done to get over them?