Absolutes

Hi there,

  I know it has been too long and too quiet.  There were some major things going on in my life and issues needing to resolve.  most of which is taken care of...except the root canal (hey i am a masochist .... but not THAT much of a masochist!)  i want to share with you my experiences with black and white.

ABSOLUTES.  Absolutes, in this case, are how people see things in life.... i.e. black and white.  Life is a shade of grays.  However, growing up in a family with absolutes, it becomes really difficult to develop friendships.  It actually forms the basis of neediness.  When my Grandma passed away this past December, and going to visit my family, i was struck how badly absolutes affected my family....especially my mom.  i realized how much of who i am (at this moment) is what i learned from her and my dad.  Believe it or not, i am surprised i am still alive based on that observation.

so it brings me to the battle i face.  i am part of a very large leather family with one patriarch in the center.  He is my Mentor and not my Dominant (ie i am not collared).   When i get stressed out, i tend to react badly to things. Either it is vocalizations, hide away and shrink, or become very passive aggressive.  One of the things i was told is that a Family gathering is going to take place and that my Mentor will not have any time for me.  i understood that there was not going to be a lot of time for me....the weekend was not going to be about me.  but i also am realizing that Sir is not abandoning me or not wanting to be around me ( though admittedly that is what i was feeling initially) i was trying to get threw my head that if anything happens, Sir will be there for me.

it is still a process to unlearn what i have learned, and i hope that Sir has some patients in me.  i really would like to have a good time this weekend.

what do you think about absolutes?  what have you done to get over them?