Soul searching...

   At the end of July, i had the privilege of being in Service to  Master Chuck (my mentor) for a week.  The main reason was to prepare His leathers for ILS/b competition, but also to spend time with him. 

  Sir warned me that He was going to be tough on me, and that is true... however in the week of service i found out something i didn’t consciously know about myself.

We had a chance to really talk during an 8hr drive, and had a lot of good topics to talk about, and one of the topics was His turn on when a boy is with Him when He enters the hotel room if the boy was left in the room.  In my head, i took note of it, but did not think it would come up at all. 

The next day, Master Chuck left the hotel for the day, wile i worked on His leathers.

 When i was done, i called him, and Sir said that he will be there soon, and i was to great him properly.

HOLY FUCK.... i was in a conundrum.  You see, i have a protocol in greeting Sir whenever i see him.  Yet, the proper hotel greeting crept in my mind.  For 30 min, i was in my head battling what i should do.  So when the time came, i made the decision.... i would do the proper hotel greeting.  i took a shower, got items ready and was properly dressed... (as in naked, except my boots).  Sir  surprised me, and as i saw him for a brief second, my mind went into deep submission.    When i saw Sir, in his cloths (which was VERY masculine) a little known fantasy (and fear)  of mine came out....  Humiliation, and i was Sir’s bitch houseboy.  And Sir used me as such.

In my life, i have been abused physically, verbally, and emotionally.  Humiliation as play i would never had though i would get into it due to my history.  But what this scene told me is that with the right Dom, humiliation is not only fun but also very powerful.  During this scene and a few sessions on the way back to Master Chucks home,  humiliation was very powerful to me in that i was able to be in deep submission and still feel cared for and the humiliation was not out to prove ones power over the other, but rather that i gave Sir that power to use over me. In this instance, Humiliation = Love.

i am still processing what has happened, and will be writing about it as i find the words for it.  Three things stand out that i will be talking about.  The WHY “shackles”.  What a Daddy means to me.  And Lastly, unexpected affections.

boy matt