Hello,
i written this a few years ago, and it is interesting to read it again. i should make an update to this soon. until then, enjoy!!
boy matt
The Spiritual Experience of Boot Blacking: They're so shiny I can see myself.
by boy matt
While traversing the Leather Community of the Midwest, I am privileged to meet people from every social stratum. Each individual offers an encyclopedia of information about life, leather, sex, and everything else. Of course, I'm grateful for these encounters and for the opportunity to serve the Men and Women of Leather.
Now, I am truly fascinated by the individuals whom I serve and by how they present themselves. Through no scientific method but using personal observation, I find that people fall into two categories when self-describing; these are the List Makers and the Labelers. The List Makers will quickly rattle off their likes, tastes, and preferences. The Labelers will use the statement, "I AM", as if they were pronouncing dogma. As I go down on, er I mean, go to work on the boots, I question if any of these Lists or Labels truly expresses who this person is.
Know, these methods of introduction are great ways to initially describe oneself. But, descriptors rarely, if ever, illuminate the inner-being or reveal the heart of an individual. In order to come to a truer understanding of an individual, it is better to depend less on self-description, rather choosing to rely more on self-illustration. It must be said that there are times people may be unaware or forget that they are self-illustrating. Self-illustrating proves the truth in the old saying that actions speak louder than words. Self-illustrating is simply the process of showing who one is by how one acts or behaves.
While one's word or what comes out of one's mouth remains important in the Leather Community, self-illustrating or how one behaves in wide and varied situations is how one gains confidence, respect, and trust. Self-illustrating, also, invites the Community and its members TO WATCH -- to bear witness to an individual's experiences, to look at a person's passion, to see and to be moved when an individual overcomes obstacles, and to acknowledge a person's sweat and tears.
And, this article is your invitation to observe me just being me through the service of blacking boots.
The Porn made me do it! Pornography exposed me to the Leather Lifestyle. And, the writes and models of hot hunky Honcho were my first teachers in the subjects of fetish and kink. These teachers motivated me filling my head with seductive tales in which I became the submissive on my knees and bound more by Master's will than by his rope. Through Honcho's pages and in my mind, Master ordered me to clean his boots with my tongue. And, there I was on all fours licking and caressing my Master's boots. My imaginary erotic service caused a tingling in my groin and an ache in my heart.
During some negotiated roleplaying, a few Doms allowed me to service their boots. But, in addition to working on boots, I was feeling something deeper and more primal. My teachers at Honcho University never discussed these feelings, but it was too late to go back and ahead there lay entirely new territory.
In late summer of that year, a Dom couple with whom I felt safe led me to a small Leather Run. There, I fell into the company of a well- known boy who cares for his Dom’s boots with pride and precision .. He, kindly, became my first teacher made of flesh and blood. After I learned the basics of polishing boots and the basic supplies, he showed me his specific technique of boot care. His open handed gift empowered me with the basic skills and knowledge to properly put a shine on a boot and lent me a base from which to explore my need to serve as a Bootblack. . I think there may be a little polish in blood.
The following April, I was asked to be a guest Bootblack for a fundraising event in NYC. I was honored to accept and to be a part of this fundraiser. I experienced the full flowering of my need to Bootblack for the first time during this event. It remains difficult to describe what occurred this first time and what occurs every time offer my service as a Bootblack.
With my very first donor at the NYC fundraiser, I felt a feeling of warmth and well-being like I was safely floating. As I continued to care for these boots, all the noise, all the people, all the smoke, the pool table, and the DJ music faded into the background, then entirely disappeared. The only things of which I was aware were the boots before me that needed my care as much as I needed to care for them.
For some donors, it may have seemed a bit awkward to have a non-communicative Bootblack. But, some other Leather Folk understood what was occurring; they later told me that I was in the zone. Internally, I was simply happy to be there, happy to be polishing the boots, and happy to be serving the donors. And, most of all, I was just happy to be. During the briefest six hours of my life, I was totally absorbed in the work.
When my service was complete, several people praised my work product. Others complimented concentration and dedication. For the first time, I felt as if the Leather Community recognized me for me and for how I can serve. And, it was announced that I raised just a little under half of the entire funds. Finally, the two Doms who asked me to accompany them told me that they'd never seen me so happy, that I appeared to glow, and that it seemed that nothing existed around me except the boots. They confirmed that I was in the "zone".
The Zone, in this case, is a state of mind distinguished by exceptionally intense focus surrounded by feelings of serenity and well-being. One usually achieves this state of mind when one is participating in the purpose of one's soul.
With these new feelings, my growing sense of identity and belonging in the Leather Community, and my Bootblack skill in tow, I went to my local Leather Bar, so I could propose a consistent use of my services. The bar manager accepted my proposal and outlined the bar's expectations and my duties. Then, he informed me that my start date would be in early summer.
During the summer months, the bar was busy, so many people wanted to have their boots cared for. I really enjoyed the summer and I was often in the zone while working. Then, as the seasons changed turned to fall and winter less people came into the bar. And, those customers who managed to make it to the bar were not wearing leather and had no desire to polish their boots. After a time with no customers, I began to lose confidence in myself and in my abilities. And, I started to feel as if I was not good enough to be there and as if I was not good enough to be a part of the Leather Community. I questioned myself daily regarding my worth as a Leatherman and a Bootblack. Plus my doubt coupled with difficult life decisions and hard choices caused me to sink into depression. I felt trapped or jailed because I couldn't do the one thing that made sense to me and made me happy. That one thing is Bootblacking.
I should mention here that I reside in Detroit, Michigan. The weather in Detroit is not always sunny and 70 degrees. And, we get a lot of snow during the winter months.
As temperatures thawed and snow melted, I began to feel a stirring and a restlessness within me . Then, I was invited to a couple fund raisers to Bootblack. At first, because of my doubts, it was more difficult to reach the zone and to find the same level of pleasure in the act of polishing boots. Slowly, the feelings of worth and of peace returned to me.
At CLAW 2008, I got some profound insights from people who care about my well-being, and I was able to put my feelings into perspective. For several hours on Saturday, I served the Community as Bootblack. And, I was again able to enter the zone with ease. The zone, again, became a place of happiness for me where only the boots and me resided. As the work intensified, my self-doubt and fear melted leaving only a renewed sense of vigor and of self.
Again, I believe in myself and this belief is not going away this time. If my original positive experience was a delusion, I would not be able to replicate it twice, so now I know it was real. And, I refuse to let reality slip away or to be taken away.
The zone is now part of me; it is a place where I live and where I take nourishment for my spiritual growth. When I am in the zone, I am the most authentic expression of me. This is the place where you can see my heart, my soul, my strength, my vulnerability, and my bliss. The way of the Bootblack is the method of service that takes me to this spiritual place. Bootblacking is not merely an action through which I earn confidence, respect and trust. Rather, it is the method of service by which I am connected to and made one with those whom I personally encounter and serve and with the entire Leather Community. The service I provide involves a certain amount of freely shared intimacy that is not necessarily part of a particular method, structure, or hierarchy. And, Bootblacking provides proof of how I self-define as a Leatherman and sub.
And so, through illustrating the way of a Bootblack and sharing my experiences, I hope that I was able to show you the Spiritual side of Leather life and what the Leather lifestyle means to me. Growing up in Leather has been and sometimes continues to be somewhat confusing and frustrating, particularly when I hear all the labels we use like Top, Dom, bottom, sub, switch, Old Guard, and New Guard. These labels are too limiting and don't speak to the reality of who one really is. By self-illustrating, one is free to reveal one's true self as a spiritual being and as part of the wider Leather Community.
Finally, if you see me Bootblack, take pleasure in knowing that I am happy and you are connected to me. And, recognize that you are giving me a tremendous gift when you bear witness to my service, my spirituality, and me.
