Spirituality, Eroticism, and Protectionism
It’s interesting things i find out about myself as i get older, and how things change. One thing i find myself changing is the type of person i want to be with. It started out likening the clones that i saw in porn in the early 90’s. You know what i mean, they all tend to look alike. It wasn’t until one night at a gay bowling night, someone suggested i look at bears, and to see what i though of them. When i did, i was more attracted to them then the ones i saw on porn. Part of that was more likely because they were more Daddy to me. Daddy in this case was a masculine nurturer then a sexual role.
As time went on, i was exploring more about the gay life and its sub cultures. And i came across Honcho the magazine. This magazine is based on Kink and BDSM, and what really turned my crank were pics of hot hairy guys in leather (or naked) or well-built muscle guys. The fiction as well as artwork by Tom of Finland as well as MATT, completely sent me over the edge . i was fascinated and scared.
i went threw a period of having a partner and in that time, i realized i needed BDSM and Service in my life. So i went threw looking for something else. When i did, i found my first Sir, Sir Scott. DAMN, i had a good time, and what made it better for me was that he was interested in wanting to see me again!!!!! The next time i saw him, i was introduced to his partner, who later became my second Sir, Sir Iain.
The two of Them affected me in two different ways. Sir Scott was the nurturing Dom that i needed, but also put me threw my paces when it came to flogging and whipping. And His Kiss was that of aggressive Dom that was protective.....and at that time, i felt it in my core. Sir Iain on the other hand was different in that his kiss was pure eroticism....that also went into my core.
As time went on, it became clear that we needed to separate.....well it wasn’t clear, but it was needed.
i was hurting badly, and felt an emptiness and void in my life, and it looked like no one was able to fill that need. When i did find someone that had the potential, it never came close to the experience that i had before......that feeling of being shaken to the core by a kiss. It wasn’t until Mr. Leather Toronto 2008 when things got on track again.
i was chosen to give a workshop on Bootblacking and Spirituality. When i gave it, i was incredibly nervous and wasn’t sure how things were going to go. As i gave the workshop, i told the truth and gave my experiences of what it is like to be a spiritual bootblack. When i was done, i looked up.....i saw everyone with tears in there eyes. In the audience, Master C was in it, and he came up to me and asked me “Where is boy matt, and what did you do with him?” ..... As we talked more, he said that my real “self” was being shown off rather then the shell that most people saw me in everyday life.
From that Day, Master C started to work with me to become a better person and took on the role of Mentor and Protector. Since then we have seen each other in family events several time. And last October, i was able to have a 1-1 weekend with Master C.
Since that weekend, when Sir gently kisses me on the lips, it’s as if i was hit by lightning and being calmed down at the same time..... i being shaken to the core HARD! It is really hard to describe the feeling, except that in that moment, everything is fine in the world.
As i think about what has happened to me, i realized what type of person best suits me as either a partner, a Dom, or both. This person needs to understand Spirituality in Leather. That is what really turns my crank. The person also needs to understand Eroticism....kissing a certain way, the way one moves or wares to turn the other person on (this includes a Speedo for me :p ) The last part is Protectionism. The person needs to understand that leather is also about protection of property....of each other.
i think those three things (Spirituality, Eroticism, Protectionism) represent in physical form, what a collar means to me. i have not been collard in 3 years, and i miss having one....but i will not accept a collar just because of that void.
i am looking forward to exploring more about my needs and wants when it comes to D/s and BDSM.
boy matt
ps: feel free to comment, i welcome any and all comments
No comments:
Post a Comment